It helps a little bit to think it through. It helps more to write it down. It helps even more to talk about it. I shared a lot of wine the other night with two of my "Artist's Way" colleagues, and ended up sharing quite a few of the deepest secrets of my married life and divorce. I even sounded blase about some of my biggest missteps (let's just say fidelity to me is like a checking account, which sometimes gets overdrawn). Oops. Now what? Should I be ashamed? Proud? Indifferent? More to the point, why did I share? To help myself? To help someone else? To just keep hearing the pleasant sound of my voice yammering on? In my world, it's never too late to over-analyze something, so I'll do it now.
Whatever it is you went through whatever it was you did, or he did, or maybe it just happened and it sucked, it helps to bring it up and talk about it until retelling it completely bores you. Until touching the sore spot doesn't make you wince anymore. It only helps a little bit at a time, though, which is the hard part. And the hard part is not the difficult part, which is that your friends and family will tire of you retelling the story long before you do, so you have to pace yourself. But it does help a little bit, each time you do.
Then of course, once it's completely dull, you can add back in some of the more salient and salacious details. You can prat fall on your ass and make it funny. You can embroider it until it's simply beautiful. You can frame it and hang it on the wall for everyone to see. And then they'll ask to see it and hear about it, and tell you how strong and brave you were. And you'll be all, well thank you, yes it did take a little effort to get over it, but I just kept trying.
About this Blog
About this Blog: Divorce is something you do, not something you are. It is not easy, but it can be funny. I know hanging on to my humor gave me hope and courage. Divorce shouldn't cramp your style. There are whole industries devoted to helping brides plan their weddings -- why shouldn't we have a style guide for divorce?