About this Blog

About this Blog: Divorce is something you do, not something you are. It is not easy, but it can be funny. I know hanging on to my humor gave me hope and courage. Divorce shouldn't cramp your style. There are whole industries devoted to helping brides plan their weddings -- why shouldn't we have a style guide for divorce?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Read Right for Your Blood Type!

The lists in the next few posts on this blog are offered as general resources for self-education, and are not to be used for self-diagnosis or treatment. (Truly, cross-posted from "H is for Hamlet," my other shameless self-promotional).

Good literature may be useful in correcting serious problems of temperment due to misbalanced humours.

Therapy consists of liberal and concentrated application of subsequent chapters of an appropriate supportive (to correct a deficiency) or opposite (to mitigate an excess) novel or anthology.

However, when consumed outside of the appropriate critical context, the content or philosophy of some works may be disturbing.

Therefore, for a most effective cure, readings should be advised only by a certified graduate of a small, preferably midwestern, liberal arts college.

Moreover, if access to recognized works of literature is limited, readers should be cautioned that popular fiction should under no circumstances be substituted in equal amounts, as there are no established minimum standards for literate content in such work. 

Similarly, the use of foreign language literature may result in serious side-effects, such as the promotion of socialist economic theory.

Periodical literature or professional journal subscriptions may in some cases make an acceptable alternative treatment, again, check with your B.A. to be sure.

Katie Kilbridge, B.A.

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Oxygen Mask

Ma'am?  Ma'am. . . MA'AM, please.  This is me, talking to you.  Up here at the top of the aisle.  Wearing the flight attendant getup.  Look over here.  See me now?  Right.  Making the safety speech.  Pay attention, this is important.  No, not the pointy gestures toward the exits.  Not the buckle-y strap part.  Right now.  The part that goes "in the event of a loss of pressure in the cabin."

In the event of a loss of pressure in the cabin your oxygen mask will miraculously fall down from the ceiling into your lap.  And if you are sitting next to a small child, then MA'AM, this is the part I wanted you to listen to.

PUT YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST.  [ahem].  FIRST.  I'm going to say it again now.  OXYGEN MASK.  YOU.  FIRST. 

Before taking care of someone else take care of yourself.  Harder to do than you think, huh? 

You're out there, trying to figure out which bills to pay, and maybe you're even freaked out because even though your mother told you to be responsible about money, you're thinking way too far ahead and you're worried about college savings for a six-year old.  And because of that, you're throwing out the registration form for the class you have been wanting to take for a couple of years now, the one you need to take so you can meet the people you need to meet to get the job you want.  Or you're thinking about settling for the next [job, man, apartment] you find instead of taking the first job opportunity that comes along, just to have something, something for them, instead of getting the good one that you really deserve.

Try not to panic.  Put your own mask on first.  Do that five minute meditation you've keep thinking you "should" do.  Get your hair done.  Hire some cleaning help.  Take that lunch meeting.  The kids can do without.  In fact, they will turn out fine, or even better, because you'll be able to take care of them.  Solid.  Oxygen filled.  Put your mask on first.