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About this Blog: Divorce is something you do, not something you are. It is not easy, but it can be funny. I know hanging on to my humor gave me hope and courage. Divorce shouldn't cramp your style. There are whole industries devoted to helping brides plan their weddings -- why shouldn't we have a style guide for divorce?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Yep, that's a sore spot alright

A while ago I wrote a post that wasn't very nice.  I am redacting that post because it wasn't funny enough or clever enough to make up for the snarky parts.  And luckily enough there are not enough readers of this blog to have noticed.

All you really need to know about that post is that I have realized that post-divorce I don't have a lot of patience when I am even marginally inconvenienced by a guy.  Even a nice guy wasting a tiny little bit of my time.  Go figure.

When there's some minor misunderstanding, or some last minute delay, I immediately see it as a giant red flag of how fundamentally inconsiderate the guy is.  Especially if he thinks "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be late" will take care of it.  As far as I'm concerned, it won't.  The evening's already ruined.
 The thing is, in response to "I'm sorry," my attitude is completely cracked.  I got no more "yes I understand."  I got no more "sure, no problem."  I got no more "no, I don't mind."  All I got is "are you f*&^ing kidding me?"

So sure, I own that problem.  I'd like to put a positive spin on it like I have higher standards now, and we'll see how far that gets me.

Anyway, I did realize something new:  sometimes the nice guys can be just as inconsiderate as the assholes. But what makes it worse is that a nice guy never thinks of himself as inconsiderate, because he thinks hey, I'm a nice guy, I don't mean to be inconsiderate.  To him, being called inconsiderate is an affront.  People shouldn't call him inconsiderate when he does something like show up late, or forget something you told him, because he's not inconsiderate, he's a nice guy.  And that's the problem.

An asshole knows that when people are pissed off at him about something there's probably a half-way decent reason for it.  He's aware that his behavior can be offensive, he knows that sometimes he says the wrong thing.  He owns it.  And he apologizes, and if he's an asshole with a heart, he probably makes a marginal effort to avoid the problem in the future.  But he usually doesn't deny that he was at fault, not like the nice guy in the previous paragraph.

Whew.  I've been meaning to redact that post for a while.  Apparently I was just venting.  And now I have to decide if maybe I should just try to date assholes who will at least apologize when they do something rude.  Comments, dear followers?  Are nice guys worth it after all?