About this Blog

About this Blog: Divorce is something you do, not something you are. It is not easy, but it can be funny. I know hanging on to my humor gave me hope and courage. Divorce shouldn't cramp your style. There are whole industries devoted to helping brides plan their weddings -- why shouldn't we have a style guide for divorce?

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Style Guide to Divorce: Your Play Lists

When I got dumped after an intense, romantic fling a few years ago, I found myself heartbroken in a way that surprised me.  First, I'd sob uncontrollably on hearing certain songs, and yet I'd replay them over and over, feeling exhausted but a little better after an evening of wallowing.  I'd never before been so traumatized by a departing boyfriend.  Second, every time I collapsed in tears, a tiny little part of my rational self would stir herself, cooly observe the dramatic emotional scene, and say, "You realize that you didn't cry quite like this when your marriage broke up."  "I know," I'd wail.  I'd stop crying for a moment and breathe deeply.  "Why is that?"  It was a strange feeling.  Sure, I'd cried.  But that was because it was such a big, frustrating, inconvenient change in the plans, and because it made me feel stupid for choosing him as a spouse when clearly it was never going to work out.  But I didn't cry because I missed him or because I wanted him back.  Did it mean I'd never loved him?  On occasion that thought brought forth a different type of tears, for lost time and opportunity, for not believing I deserved more.

But I digress.  The thing was, I really needed to get over my broken heart, and I really needed to not be thrown off my recovery if one of my sad, trigger songs came on the radio.  So I started pulling them together in playlists, and then would inoculate myself by listening to them in big chunks of time.  That helped.  And in time I started making other playlists for different moods.  The moods that said "I'm better off without you anyway," or "What an ass - I can't believe I ever saw anything in you!"  Boy did those help.  I enjoy my OCD, so I put it to use, making lists of 20 songs each, and then grouping them into groups of five - 100 songs in each playlist folder.  Of course each one had to have an appropriate name.

I lost a great many hours working with my lists, adding songs, deleting songs, perfecting the play order.  Every now and then I hear a song - new or just one I haven't listened to in a while (movie soundtracks are great for this), and I'll think, "This would be perfect for --- !"  and then it's hours more gone to restructure the system.  But it's a great hobby and been a great way to work through my feelings, and make the painful ones less sensitive.  I finally even made one for the guy I used to be married to.  It's fabulous, and Purl doesn't know why I'm smiling when I play it in the car.  Lists and song clips to follow, if I can figure that out.

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