About this Blog


About this Blog: Divorce is something you do, not something you are. It is not easy, but it can be funny. I know hanging on to my humor gave me hope and courage. Divorce shouldn't cramp your style. There are whole industries devoted to helping brides plan their weddings -- why shouldn't we have a style guide for divorce?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Language of Divorce, Part II: I'm Rubber, You're Glue

I just got off the phone with this guy I used to be married to.  It was an entirely unproductive conversation.  Do I mind?  Not in the least.  I intended to be uncooperative.  I wanted the conversation to be unproductive.

He called me up to criticize my plan for Purl's winter vacation.  Hilarious.  So, here is what you do.  First, disengage the emotional part.  Whatever he says, it's just words.  Then, just toss the words back on to him, without any emotional content or reaction.  When I pointed out that my choices were no different than ones he made during our child's last winter vacation (the one he spent with her), he said I was paranoid.  Completely ridiculous.  Not that he would have understood or appreciated a definition of the term.  So here's what I did:  "No, you're paranoid."  "You're unreasonable."  "No, you're unreasonable."

Key technique to successfully using this line of conversation:  use the speaker phone.  This way you can floss your teeth, dust, and clean the cat box the whole time.  Just repeat the accusations he throws your way in a calm way.  They're just words.

When you hang up the phone, nothing will have been accomplished.  Except the preservation of your sanity!

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